It’s the small things in life that seem to hold the most real estate in my heart – not from birthdays or weddings or special holidays, but rather, the moments from every day life that surprise me and have me wanting to push the pause button and absorb it before it moves past. I had one of those moments on my last morning in Colorado, while staying with my daughter, son-in-law and 10 month-old grandson.
I was sitting on an ottoman that I had pushed up in front of the windowed door to the deck with my grandson, Arlo, on my lap. It was early morning and the sun was still making it’s last climb over the horizon, leaving a soft yellow glow in the house; that very peaceful time of day when everything seems to move a bit slower, including 10 month-old babies. A herd of 20 or so mule deer were slowly making their way across their land, close enough to the house that they were easily spotted by both of us, even though their coats were camouflaged against the color of the winter grass. When Arlo spotted them, he quickly looked up to me to insure that I also saw them, then pointed his small finger at them, looked up at me again and smiled. Arlo is a very busy, very mobile baby, so the moments seemed borrowed in a way and I held onto them as long as I could as I knew while it was happening that it was a moment and a feeling I’d later savor.
We sat there for several minutes, quietly watching as the deer slowly made their way across the land behind the house, Arlo’s eyes wide with fascination. When he had seen enough, he turned his attention towards me and grabbed my necklace, as he often does because he’s a baby and that’s what babies do, but this time he held it in his small hand as if he was really examining it, rather than simply trying to pull it off of my neck. It’s a small silver disc with the words “protect this woman” surrounding a small turquoise piece in the center. I’ve worn it continually around my neck for the past 5 years. He seemed very curious about it. Someday, Arlo, I will tell you about the day that I found the necklace in a small shop in Leadville, CO. I will tell you that in the previous months, I had climbed to the top of five 14,000 foot peaks, by myself, and although I have a weakness for silver and turquoise, it was the words on that small disc that had me buying it without hesitation. I’ll explain how even though it is only a piece of jewelry that I wear around my neck, somehow, it makes me feel just a tiny bit safer. I’ll show you, someday, what it felt like to climb those five tall peaks and will give you the handful of tips I discovered as we climb them together.
I will also tell you about the first morning after my young family had moved into our new home, when your Mom was not even three, and I saw a huge buck circling the large cedar tree in the front of our house and how mesmerized I was by the site of him and the fact that there he was, right in our own front yard. There’s just something about watching deer so close to where you live in the early morning hours. I’ll tell you that those 5 acres that surrounded our new home made me feel like I was living on a ranch as I had never lived in a place with so much land around me. You’ll laugh about that one, no doubt, as living with a lot of land around you is all you have known, but that’s ok. At some point, I’ll tell you the rest of my deer story… the part where the deer could wipe out days of work in my garden during their early morning feedings and how I spent countless hours and endless experimentation trying to deter them. Even so, that morning when I saw the buck circling the cedar tree, just feet from our front porch, still wins on the deer memories for me. Did I mention that it was snowing lightly that morning?
As I sat there in the quiet house, with Arlo on my lap, I felt the awe of the role of Grandma that I was blessed with a short 10 months ago. It’s a role that I covet dearly, first, because I am a mom and to see my baby take on the very role that shaped the biggest part of my life is beyond miraculous to me. Second, because of my own grandparents and the important role they all played in me becoming who I am today. My love of knitting, sewing, gardening, photography, writing and love of travel were all introduced to me by my grandparents, whether directly with a hand reaching over mine as I held a red plastic knitting needle as it formed stitches or indirectly, simply by exposure.
The silver bangle that I’ve worn on my right wrist since I was 16, is one of many continual reminders of their influence in my life. I can remember my maternal grandmother, always with an armful of silver bangles, and the noise she would make when she entered a room. Her granddaughters were each given one of her bangles when she died and I’ve carried that little bit of her on my wrist ever since. There are other reminders that come in flashes – the first bloom of the iris in the spring, a well-written, witty letter, a bolt of fabric with its limitless possibilities when a sewing machine and a lot of patience are added, skeins of yarn and needles and the hope of sweaters that will fit and the ever present camera that resulted in boxes and boxes of beautifully captured photographs. These are the pieces of my life that have given me my sense of passion and have pushed my creativity in ways that continue to challenge me. If I can contribute in a similar way to my own grandson’s life, I will feel like I’m not only sharing some of who I am with him, but I’m giving thanks to my own grandparents in the process.
Last week, I was in a baby store shopping with someone who I’ve called my best friend since I was 15 years old. She was shopping for her 6 week-old grand son, and I was shopping for Arlo. We hadn’t been there long when it hit me and in between the oohs and ahhhs and is this cute? too cute? and how big will he be in 6 months?, I stopped, pondered the reality of the moment, and commented.
“Look at us….friends for 3/4 of our lives, you living on the east coast for most of it, and me in the midwest, and here we are, in a baby shop in Breckenridge, Colorado, shopping for our grandsons. Could you even have begun to imagine that out of all the searches we made together… the clothes, the parties, the guys, the fun the beer and the cheap clothes and babysitting jobs to pay for those cheap clothes and maybe someone with a fake ID to buy the cheap beer, that someday our search together would be for baby clothes… for our grandsons???”
A beautiful passage of time seemed to have had us both in its collective hug and the 46 years had brought us to a moment that I think caught us both off guard. We became grandmas for the first time 9 months apart and after sharing so many firsts, we’re sharing one again.
So, Arlo, that moment we watched the deer with the sun rising at our backs, tucked away in the quiet of the house with you seated on my lap, was one moment of countless moments to come. I have so much to tell you and share with you and if just one of those many moments impacts you enough that someday you’re sharing it with your own child or grandchild, or really anyone, then I will have succeeded and that yarn of all of our collective experiences will continue to knit the stories that will connect the generations. We are all a part of the creation of something quite beautiful – stitch by stitch, row by row, that continues to grow.